A Man's Heart

I have just started reading A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, a short portrait of his searing pain in the aftermath of the death of his wife. The utter agony he describes reminds me of a trend that friends of mine have pointed out amongst old couples in their churches: when the wife dies first, the husband dies soon after. Even if this trend is largely anecdotal, I think it speaks to a truth that Lewis alludes to as well: A man's life is a heartbeat; his wife is the heart.

The female poet in Song of Songs notes that her love is worth more than "all the wealth in his house" (8:7), for she is not just another woman for the wealthy king, but (in her words) "my vineyard is mine to give" (8:12). She knows that wealth and power may still lack love. As N'Sync once sung, "For the girl who has everything, I give you love." Decades before, the Beatles sang a similar theme, "Money can't buy you love." While this principle applies to both man and woman, I cannot help but think the love of a godly woman is more valuable.

The writer of Proverbs expresses a similar regard for the value of a wife: "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown (12:4). He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord (18:22). A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies (31:10)." A wife is a husbands crown, a sign of the Lord's favor, and invaluable. More importantly, she is his heart. Unless specifically called to singlehood, a man's heart and love is wasted in this world when not lavished upon a woman. It is the most true and pure expression of Christ's love for His Church.

It is only a woman who can unlock this part of a man. Without her, a man often feels wasted. People often remark that if a man is the head of a marriage, then the woman is the neck. When not used as just a witty line, this can express some valuable truths: even as a man leads his marriage with love and humility, he is dependent upon the support offered by his wife. But what is the neck but the pipeline between the head and heart? If the heart stops beating, everything else becomes useless. A wife offers a love that becomes life for her husband and nurtures life in her children. Without that love, for all intensive purposes, a man is dead or in mourning.